Start with the bedroom, not the brochure

Hotel photographs are designed to sell the dream, and children rarely feature in that dream unless they are sitting beautifully still with a book. Before you fall for the sea view, work out where everyone will actually sleep and what the room contains.

Ask specifically whether a cot is available and what type it is. Many hotels offer a travel cot, which is fine for a baby but can be snug for a tall toddler. Check the mattress — a thin folded pad is common and some parents prefer to bring their own sheet or a fitted cot sheet from home for a better fit. Wooden cots with drop sides are less common now, so if you need one, say so at the time of booking rather than on arrival.

• Bed configuration: a "family room" might mean one double plus a sofa bed, which suits some children and not others. Ask for the exact bed sizes.
• Connecting rooms: genuinely connected rooms (with an internal door) are different from adjoining rooms (next to each other). If you want to hear your children at night, you need the internal door.
• Blackout curtains: a must in summer, when British daylight stretches past 9pm and small children refuse to believe it is bedtime.
• Bath or shower: a shower-only room makes bathing a baby or toddler far harder than it needs to be.

Also ask about a mini fridge for milk and snacks, and whether the room has a kettle. These small things make an enormous difference to a family stay.

Mealtimes, high chairs and hungry children

High chairs are one of the most commonly promised and least commonly available items in UK hotels. A hotel with four high chairs and a busy breakfast service at 8am is a hotel where you may queue. Ask how many they have and whether you can reserve one for breakfast.

Check the restaurant times against your family's rhythm. If dinner service starts at 6.30pm and your toddler is asleep by 7pm, a hotel with an early children's sitting or a bar menu from 5pm will suit you far better. Room service, even a limited one, is a lifesaver on the first night when everyone is tired from travelling.

• Children's menu: look beyond the usual nuggets and chips. A smaller portion of the adult menu is often better value and better food.
• Allergies: mention them when booking, not when ordering. Good kitchens plan ahead; poor ones panic at the table.
• Breakfast included? Family breakfasts add up quickly. A rate that includes it can be cheaper overall than a lower room rate plus four breakfasts.
• Self-catering options: a hotel with a small kitchenette or an aparthotel lets you do breakfast in the room and saves a fortune.

Pool safety is more than a shallow end

A swimming pool is often the main reason a child agrees to a hotel at all, so it deserves proper scrutiny. Ask about the depth across the whole pool, not just the shallow end, and whether there is a separate paddling pool. A shallow paddling pool with warmer water is far better for babies than a large pool with a gently sloping entrance.

Lifeguards are not guaranteed. Many UK hotel pools are unsupervised, which means you are the lifeguard. Check whether pool access requires a key card, whether there are locked doors between the corridor and the water, and whether the pool area is gated. Non-slip flooring around the pool matters too, especially with excited children running in flip-flops.

• Pool times: some hotels restrict children's swimming to certain hours. Confirm this before booking if the pool is a priority.
• Armbands and floats: ask whether these are provided. If in doubt, pack your own.
• Balcony and window safety: if you have a balcony, check the height of the railings and whether doors can be locked from the inside. Window restrictors are a sensible thing to look for in any room above the ground floor.
• Stair gates: useful in self-catering cottages and some suites, rarely available in standard hotel rooms. Ask if you need one.

Location: parks, pavements and getting around

A hotel in the middle of a city centre can be perfect, or a nightmare, depending on what is on the doorstep. Look for a park or green space within a short walk. An hour at the swings before dinner resets everyone's mood, and it costs nothing.

Think about the journey too. Is there a lift, or will you be carrying a buggy up three flights? Is the entrance step-free? Is there a bus stop or train station nearby that avoids a long walk with tired legs? Somewhere to eat casually within a few minutes' walk is worth more than a fancy restaurant you have to book weeks ahead.

Ask these questions before you pay

A short email or phone call before booking will save a great deal of frustration later. Keep it simple and specific.

• How many cots and high chairs do you have, and can they be reserved?
• Do you have genuinely connecting rooms, and are they available on our dates?
• What are the children's swimming times, and is the pool supervised?
• Can we check in early or leave luggage if we arrive before the room is ready?
• Is there a fridge in the room for milk?
• What is your policy on children sharing a room, and is there an age limit for kids' clubs?

Little extras that make a big difference

The best family hotels understand that parents are not asking for much: a cot that is already made up, a high chair waiting at breakfast, a pool where you can see the bottom, and a room dark enough to sleep in. Those details matter more than a chocolate on the pillow.

Book direct where you can — you can ask your questions, note your requests, and often secure a better room allocation. And travel slightly outside school holidays if your circumstances allow, because a quieter hotel is a more forgiving hotel, and a more forgiving hotel is a happier family break.